Pegasus Runs For Governor of California
by ndfrk411
Summary: We found Pegasus' speech and he's not liking it! R&R!
1. Pegasus Runs For Governor Of California

PEGASUS FOR GOVERNOR 

(The Aristocrat speech)

By: Brad Parks

Good ________ everybody. How are you? I don't care, so shut up. Anyways, I am running for governor of California for many reasons. One is that your guys' water bills are expensive! I've paid less for a hit man, but that's none of your business. I will lower water bills by substituting for cheap wine! Wine is good for the soul! But remember, if you refuse to drink it like I do, then you will get slapped. Next thing I will change is the economy. We need to direct our interest toward the vineyards! They need the money! Wine is good for your soul! So that's why I'm raising the income tax from 1.7% to 59.3%. Boo all you want, but this is the best. Just think, in about ten years, we will have wine coming out of our asinos! Wine is the Fountain of Youth! No sir! I am not gay! I have had extensive research on the matter! WINE IS GOOD FOR YOUR SOUL! (Pegasus gets hit in the face with a box of wine) YOU DISGRACE!!! DRINKING WINE OUT OF A BOX! You outta be executed! That's okay. I'm a rich man. I can buy you and sell you twice. (AHEM.) I would also like to change the San Diego zoos. I want more panda bears and hot pink flamingos. That is the key to a profitable zoo. Another thing is that I will pass a bill (more like pay them hush money) to make a day committed to playing Yu-Gi-Oh! If you don't like that, then work at your minimum wage jobs! I will feel no pity on you because I am rich and you are poor! For that, you should be dragged to a remote location and beaten with an ugly stick. Or taken to my house and watch a Funny Bunny marathon. (He sings the theme song and people pull out their handguns and bats.) Okay, you selfish fools! With your permission to elect me governor of this great state, I promise to become, without a doubt, the world's greatest state official in the world! If you don't believe me, then move to Antarctica! Freeze your fat asses off! I don't care! GOOD RIDANCE YOU FILTHY IDIOTS!!! And don't forget, Pegasus for 2003!


	2. Pegasus Loses Speech

Pegasus Loses

            Citizens of California, it is I, Pegasus.  Sadly to say, I was not voted to be your new governor. In fact, I didn't get any votes except for Crochet (who I told to forge thousands of ballots, stupid bastard) and Kemo (who I told not to walk in candle store with so much hairspray on).  But I can admit defeat gracefully.  Unlike a certain someone who ought to eat Miracle-Grow for breakfast instead of waiting for a cure for being short.  But that is not the point.  Of all the candidates to pick, why Arnold?  He's like Deborah Harry with big shoulders.  I could buy him and sell him, but why waste my time and good looks!  And he's married to a Kennedy!  Before you know it, he's gonna wind up a drunk, a druggie, or dead.  That's why I'm smart and have been single.  The only bunny for me is Funny Bunny.  No sir, I'm still not gay!  Just because I'm a fan of a cartoon bunny doesn't mean anything!  I get drunk just like any one of you!  I go to nude beaches.  I know that gives some of you a nasty mental image, but nakedness is beautiful!  I was born naked and I'm gonna die naked too!  Which won't be anytime soon, mind you, unless they cancel Funny Bunny… in which I will submit my organs to research.  So none of you greedy bastards will sell them on eBay for a one-night stand with Sharon Osbourne.  You know, she could have been my wife if that damn Ozzie didn't get her hitched.  But do you see me crying?  NO!  I can get any woman at John Knox Village if I wanted to, but like I said before, I'm staying single.  Why am I discussing my love life with you morons?  That's between me and my lesbian lover!   Let me wrap up this speech so I can go home and enjoy my tea.  In the many years that I've studied at Oxford, I've learned this.  The wine industry has not participated in political and social matters as much as they should.  But in 2005, when I can become governor, I will persue the need of Democratic Vineyards! Thanks for all your not needed support!  Pegasus for 2005!


End file.
